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Carefree and confident, Elaine was the perfect illustration of what a go ahead, modern girl could achieve... on two bottles of vodkasOf course I love you, I've got this thing about bald ugly men with bad breath and loads of money.
Men's brains are in two parts, left and right.  The left part has nothing right in it, and the right part has nothing left in it.Now Isabel had turned 21 it was amazing how cool and sophisticated she felt... especially after 10 large vodkas!
Sally, the goldern rule is, if it's got tyres or bollocks you're going to have trouble with it.Sarah would never call the park keeper a "miserable old git" again.
My ideal man is handsome romantic and caring. Whats yours?  A 90 year old with a heart conditionSir, I hear you're spoken for?  Yes I'm married and I can't get a bloody word in!
Once Maureen discovered the vibrate feature on her mobile phone, she started to text herself a hundred times a day!There are ladies who lunch and those who just get pissed
I hear you've been telling your mates i'm an arsehole!Yes that was very loud Mrs Peabody, but I said I wanted to hear your heart!
Ray was writing the first romantic novel for men and he was going to call it 'i shagged that slut in the pub'June's idea of fun was to tie up her husband and incorrectly fold a road map right in front of him.
After the police sent him a photo of his car speeding, Ron sent them a photo of a cheque.She thought her son must have had a really bad cold to get through so many handkerchiefs in one night
Remember a dog is for life not just for Friday nights after a few beersAll Gladys wanted to hear was Jim say "I love you". All Jim wanted to hear was his balls slapping against her arse.
I hope you've got a good reason for coming home at 7am!  Of course, to have breakfast!Don't worry DAD... I've organised someone to help blow out all those candles on your birthday cake!
When Helen blamed her farts on her dog, Mike and Steve had to laugh... they'd just run over him in the drive.Annabella's maid was loyal enough to rinse her down after she had embarrassingly followed through while farting in the bath.
Carol had read so much about the dangers of casual sex and binge drinking so she was giving up reading.

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