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PHIL BY DAY, SMART, SENSIBLE OFFICE CLERK, WITH SUIT.  PHIL BY NIGHT, CRAZY COSMIC LURVE GOD WITH ATTITUDE!As she listened to her best mate telling her about her great new job and fantastic new boyfriend, Jackie acted like she gave a shit!
Kevin had spent the entire day downloading corn on the internetJudy liked to savour that unmistakably salty tang ....
Mike's new Anti-theft DeviceJeremy preferred his GM Courgette rater than the Alfalfa GT or the Lettuce Elise...
The prop forward was somewhat surprised by the Kiwi hooker's tackleThe carrots had a pea up against the wall...
Hilary was thrilled with her new dishwasher... her old one was usually down the pub and too pissed to do the washing up.Suzi tried to re-kindle her modelling career but sadly, in the intervening years, everything had gone a bit pear-shaped...
The Conference Pears made many fruitless attempts to send and recieve e-mails on their new Blackberries...Lucy was having real fun because Frank had allowed her to operate the gearstick for the last ten minutes... He was having even more fun, knowing that the car was an automatic!
Tom swam for his life... but the currants were too strong for himDave wondered if the matching socks were a mistake
The years have been kind to you Max..... its the weekends that have done the damage!Eddie went to the dentist and unfortunately had to have three fillings
'Trust me, it cost a fraction of the price and it's just as cool as one of those iPOD thingsThe vegetarian could never understand why, no matter how much he chewed, the sweetcorn always came out whole.
It was the perfect bar; not only did it get her drunk but it lifted her off the floor and drove her homeFrank didn't mind going to work it wa the staying there that pissed him off
The plumber was called in when they found a really bad leek in the bathroom.Yes Mr. Collins is in... or you could talk to me and get the job done properly
There was no doubt about it... they were now looking for a cereal killer...Eddie went out one night and got really hammered
The Blind Dates waited for hours not realising the other had also turned up early"Well it's a par four with a long, undulating fairway and a wicked dogleg to the right, quite a number of bunkers and a fair amount of rough in front of the trees.  There's also a strong breeze blowing from left to right, therefore not much room for error.  Mmm, what do you think Ian?"... "******** welly it"
They knew exactly what to wear to keep the blokes away on a girl's night out.DIANA REALISED THAT LITTLE GIRLS WEREN'T NECESSARILY MADE FROM SUGAR AND SPICE AND ALL THINGS NICE, AFTER SNIFFING ONE OF HER OWN FARTS
Simon was distraught... it was the third time that day that someone had said he looked like his dad!It was a hard day at the office, the computers went down and Mavis had to learn how to think again.
The boys always knew they were in for a treat when Suzy got out her bongos.Life is always fun when you're off your tits
Tommy had a feeling...   ...that his brother should cut down on the frosties.Mary had a little lamb...   ...She tied it to a pylon, 10,000 volts shot up its bum and turned the wool to nylon.
'Brandy make me randy' said Mandy, 'Whisky makes me frisky' said Julie, 'Vodka makes me throw up and go home with an ugly bloke' laughed Lucy.For a dog lover... Sure I took on my owners comments about not sitting on the couch, but then i thought, hey, whats a few skidmarks between friends
Johnny thought it had been worth the wait for the donkey to pee.OH, NO! SHE FORGOT THE ROLLING PAPERS!!!
Shaz could actually not remember anything after the 16th rum and cokeSam soon realised life was one long learning curve... today he'd learnt not to fart under the bed covers without planning a way out first.
After several glasses of wine, Lily and Joy did their best not to look too tartyMy problem is that I don't just drink to excess... I drink to anything
Charlie was doing well in the skateboarding championship, and he would have won...   ...if he hadn't shoved a banana up his arse and thrown shit at the judges!Happy Birthday MUM - time to let your hair down
Sandy's botox BBQ was the social event of the year!You?...eat a whole one?...on your birthday?
Geraldine tried hard to imagine living with imperfection ... but she couldn'tWHOA!!! Michael... stop with the shaking, that's not the champagne bottle
Come potty time, Ian learnt not to eat lego the hard way.Another birthday and Dad finally realised he'd never be cool and trendy again!
Fiona was furious when her saddle was stolen, but soon became aware of the benefits...For a moment Brimley were in with a chance, then the game started
Knowing how upset and humiliated the Germans felt at losing 5-1 at home, the England Players thought it best not to gloatWithin hours of getting his Birthday hammer, Dad had done enough DIY to devalue the house by several thousand pounds!
Being too old and slow to catch birds... Tiddles resorted to being rude to them!NOT WHAT MIKE HAD IN MIND WHEN HE ASKED CAROL TO SHOW HIM HER G-STRING!
On seeing the group of gorgeous guys, the girls decided to act natural.She was at the stage of salad preparation that required a tosser.
MARY COULD ONLY WATCH AS MIGUEL'S PUBES FORCED THEIR WAY OUT OF HIS TRUNKS AND WENT FOR HIS THROATThere was no looking back now that Carl had discovered accessorising
John birthdays are like hot baths... ....too many will give you wrinklesIt was time for her to give up drinking... the last thing she could remember was popping out for a pint of milk
Janice... You rock!Susan decided it was probably a good time to ask her boyfriend for a Gucci handbag
Remember on your birthday it's important to share everything in life... except chocolate of course!John another birthday... and still looking good
The expression on Andrew's face showed he'd found something far more interesting to play with than lousy alphabet blocks!Marie-Louise loved the feel of her new jacket, but Fifi felt hers was a bit tight under the arms.
She had been stood up but it wasn't long before she fell over againAll her friends took HRT ... but Nancy preferred Earl Grey.

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